Tantrums and Tables

So last night I had the truly unpleasant experience of watching a grown man throw a temper tantrum. And tonight I watched the film Girl, Interrupted while reading about borderline personality disorder. Let me tell ya, nursing school will turn you into a hypochondriac. As so often happens as I read about various diseases (psychiatric or otherwise), I began to compare myself to the symptomatology of borderline personality disorder.

True confession, I am not a guru, nor shining example, of mental health and well-being. I know, I know. I do appear to be pretty much perfect, but I am, in fact, not yet entirely restored to the fabulous creation God designed me to be. As I went through the list of borderline symptoms, I saw so many things that sounded much like either who I had been in my past or who I currently am. For example, impulsive, check. I prefer to reframe it and call it spontaneity, but whatever the name, I've got it. Inappropriate anger, check. Mood instability, check. Identity disturbance, check. Dissociation, check. Fear of abandonment, check. Feelings of emptiness, check.

The DSM-IV allows a therapist to diagnose borderline if 5 of 9 criterion are met. I just listed 6. This caused me to think three things: a) Borderline is a "junk drawer" diagnosis. Like your daily horoscope, many people would look at it and go "Aha, That's me!", and b) These symptoms are often exhibited in response to an unmet need in childhood...a crying out of the inner child, if you will, and c) These childhood needs are all the ones that God has worked on and loved on in me.

And this threw a whole new light on the words of Jesus in Matthew 18. Jesus tells the people that they must come to Him as a child. To me approaching God as a child means coming in innocence, gentleness, humility, fearlessness, honesty, freedom, and wonder. In terms of healing, God wants to do the work. He wants us to come to Him like little children and let Him meet our needs. He wants to fill up the empty places. He wants to be the One who will never abandon us or let us down or reject us. He wants to root us in Him and stabilize us and reveal our true identity. He teaches grace and peace where there was once hostility and bitterness. He teaches us that it's okay to be angry at the things that are unjust, cruel, and just plain ugly. But He shows us fierce love and teaches us to throw over the tables of injustice (Mark 11). And He does it as He does all things, with grace.

God, thanks for being absolutely crazy about we humans, no matter how crazy we are. Thank you for inviting us to come to you as children, and for loving us as Your children. Thank you for the way that You heal our brokenness as simply and sweetly as a mother kissing a boo-boo. Thank you for the way that Your love makes us whole and healthy and well.

And next time, when I experience one aforementioned grown-up throwing a temper tantrum, I will say a little prayer for the little hurting kid inside of him - that God would kiss his wounds and that he would get healed up, that God would turn his world upside down and love him to smithereens.

But, God, if you want me to throw over some tables and lay the smack down, just let me know.