So Precious

precious (presh'es) adj.1. of high cost or worth 2. Dear; beloved 3. Affectedly dainty

The best thing about death is life. The best thing about sorrow is joy. The best thing about alone is together. The best thing about grief and loss is the love it requires.

Last week, on the way to Judy's funeral in Prescott, I stopped in Tucson and stayed the night with my brother Martin. He and his family are really good at just loving the bejeebers out of me. I was especially grateful for their skilled loving while I was in the midst of tears and grief. Martin's bear hugs and contagious belly laughs, my sister-in-law Diana's irresistible sense of humor and sweet smile, my niece Miya's chubby little arms reaching out to be picked up...oh-so-good, so so soooo good. My cuddly lovebug nephew, Xander, has this charming way of speaking straight to my heart. He snuggles up to me puts his hands on my face and says "Oh, you are just so precious!" He puts his fingers on my mouth and says, "Your lips are beautiful and your hair is so pretty," as he pulls my hair over my face. Whenever I go to their house, Xander meets me at the door, latches on to me, and pulls me away to show me the new toy he has or the new game he has made up. At 5 years old, Xander loves without fear or hesitation, his affections are undisguised and uncalculated. He simply adores his people and lets them know it.

At the hospital this week I held an elderly man, Billy, in position as he got an ultrasound of his aorta and kidneys. The doctor's thought that Billy might die of heart failure in the next couple of days. He writhed and cursed in pain from the pressure of the ultrasound on his abdomen. He was angry and hurting as he cussed out each of us in the room. But then he cried outloud and he reached out his hand toward me, a plea for comfort. Billy is a huge man (probably 6 feet tall 300lbs) and his hand was large and strong with wrinkled papery skin. As his giant hand enveloped mine, I couldn't help but adore him. This week I am overwhelmed with affection for those around me. I feel like Xander. I am totally enamored. I can't help but love everyone I encounter. I look at someone and regardless of age or gender or disposition, I am charmed. I find myself caught up in their every detail like a passionate lover....the words they use, the glisten on their teeth as they smile, the way their hair falls just so, the mismatched clothing, the rough patch of dry skin, the crow's feet and blue sapphire earrings, pot belly, stretch marks, calloused hands and crooked teeth. When I look at those around me, even complete strangers, I just want to climb up into their lap, put my hands on their face and say, "Oh, you are just so precious!" When I pray with or for someone, I ask God to allow me to feel His love for that person. I think that this week has been the closest I have ever been to really understanding God's heart for us. Unconditional. Generous. Patient. Full of Grace and Mercy. I am simply captivated. Every single person I encounter is just so stinkin' precious that I can't hardly stand it. I just want to soak them up, to know their heart and their mind, to listen to what is important to them and care for what matters to them.

I have been entirely slow this week. Every moment captures my full attention. Every second moves my heart. God beckons me to stillness. Slow it down. Take a pause. Breathe. Take it in. Take it all in.

I am delighted. Delighted in you. Oh, you are just so precious!

27 of 27

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of Being Three Cubed

(Three cubed = 3^3 = 27)

*In no particular order, obviously*

• Wore a funny hat and got a diploma, put on a sombrero and had a fiesta
• Had the best going away party EVER
  
• Moved away from Fort Collins...and cried as I looked in the rearview mirror and realized that Fort Collins had become home
• Returned to the desert and remembered how much I love it
  
• Became a nursing student
• Put many a Foley catheter in all my favorite mannequins
• Was astounded when amazing friends flew me home to Colorado from New Mexico
  
• Learned that therapeutic communication with the mentally ill = listening and loving
• Had my first visitors in New Mexico: Vanessa, Deanna, and Elijah.
• Sang Christmas songs during a torrential monsoon on a mountain top in East Nepal
  
• Slept in a hut next to a pile of roasting corn
  
• Became a dudh chiya (milk chai) addict
• Was totally stoked about drinking milk in Nepal without my lactase pills
  
• Trusted God to be my provider and He, of course, gave me all I needed and then some
• Hiked hundreds of miles on two continents
• Lived in a climate where I didn't need to put on winter weight to keep warm
• Said goodbye to and grieved the loss of a dear friend
  
• Went to my hometown 3 times
  
• Tried spinning classes...totally hooked
  
• Tried hot yoga...loved it!
• Became long distance friends with folks in Nepal, India, Colorado, New York, and, oh yeah, Chicago :)
  
• Made a whole mess of new friends in New Mexico
• Learned how to let winter be winter
• Became acutely aware that I am NOT in charge, PHEW!
  
• Became a green chile snob
  
• Learned how to eat with my hands Nepali style
• Sobbed with a Nepali woman as we prayed for her to be healed of cancer
  
• Sang in a warm summer rainstorm walking down the streets of Seoul with Kierna and Trissa and no umbrella
• Acquired some oh-so-essential (and stealthy) ninja band-aids
  
• Learned how to swim...sort of...in the shallow end
  
• Forgave...really and truly forgave someone when I didn't think I could do it
• Had the second best nap of my life on a beach in Kauai
• Made friends with a Nepali kid after I (accidentally) hit him in the face and then fed him cookies
• Developed a real deal friendship with my big brother
  
• Kissed my niece Miya's sweet little face hundreds of times
• Spent hours and hours building Lego cities with my nephew Xander
  
• Ran miles and miles and miles along irrigation ditches in pecan orchards
• Taught some Nepali kids my favorite church song, "Big, Big God"
  
• Became a fan of home church
• Fell in love with Jesus...again
• Was intentionally single for all of my 27th year
  
• Cried as I watched my kid sister graduate high school
• Discovered dark chocolate and chili powder covered mango slices. Yummy!
• Ate my first whole, raw garlic clove on my last evening of being 27. Thanks Mike! (Hint: if you try this at home kids, chew it up real fast and swallow with a glass of water)
  
• Wrote a list of 27 of 27 which turned out to be far more than 27 items long...oops!
  
• The years just keep getting better and better
  

L-O-V-E

This week has been a rough one. This week has been a beautiful one. This week has been a time of joy and sorrow. A time of peace and crying out and peace again. A time of listening. A time of praying. A time of comforting. A time of grieving. A time of scratching my head and going hmmm softly to myself.

This week, the world lost the light of a beautiful soul. Judy passed away peacefully last Saturday. After courageously engaging in a fierce four year battle with stage IV breast cancer, she went home. We all gathered in Arizona to mourn our loss and to celebrate her life.

Wednesday, I had the opportunity to sit by Lynx Lake with her 11 year-old son Nicholas and talk, listen, pray, and cry. We talked about Judy. We talked about life. We talked about heaven. Nick said that he thought heaven might look a bit like Lynx Lake: still waters, tall pine trees, blue sky with fluffy clouds, quiet. It felt a lot like heaven to me. I can't think of anything more delightful than peacefully sitting beside still waters under a canopy of pine trees and blue sky talking to my young friend about his mother. The three of us had a conversation - me, Nick, and God. It was lovely. It was holy ground.

Later that evening, I met a man who preached at me and let me know that "Now that you have acknowledged Christ, you must O-B-E-Y, obey!". I looked around me to see if I was at a spelling bee. I wanted to respond with, "I love Jesus, J-E-S-U-S, Jesus". I am into obedience also, but I believe that obedience and service arise out of love. Christianity without L-O-V-E is simply missing the point. As I sat and patiently listened as this kindly gentleman sermonized, I thought back to my afternoon at the lake with Nicholas and I thought about my dear friend Judy. And I thought, I must L-O-V-E, love! That's where it's at

Judy was a woman who knew how to love. She embodied love in the way that she generously shared her heart and her spirit with all that she encountered. She was completely open, honest, genuine, and real. The first time I met her, she gave me a HUGE hug before she even gave me her name, and I said to myself "I am in, I am so in." I was totally hooked. We laughed together and we cried together and she welcomed me into her home and into her family. Judy was the best kind of woman friend. When I needed a sister, she was a sister. When I needed a mother's advice, she spoke honestly. All of the time, she was a tried and true, trusted friend.

From walking with Judy through cancer, I learned more about God and how He operates. I learned about big faith. I learned about true hope. I learned that sometimes when we pray for healing of the body, it is actually the heart and soul that get restored. Through cancer, God did something astounding and holy in the innermost chambers of Judy. Even as she experienced pain and suffering and heartache, God revealed His heart for Judy as He remained ever loving, ever faithful, unshakable, unchangeable, and rock solid. Through cancer, Judy and her husband Skip developed a Johnny and June kind of marriage - an unconditional, sacrificial, and interdependent love. Judy became more whole and more beautiful even as she lost first her breast and then her hair. Her presence was so much greater than her body as she began to slowly and painfully slough off her mortal coil. Through cancer, Judy's relationships deepened and she became the best forgiver I ever did see. Judy was able to forgive the things that for many of us, would seem truly unforgivable. She forgave easily, openly, with a smile and an absolutely delectable Judy hug. She often spoke about the big eraser she used in forgiving those things in the past that had once weighed heavy. Skip told me that I could have anything from the house that reminded me of her. I didn't need any tangible object, but I did walk out of their home with her giant virtual eraser in my back pocket to remind me that my God is a God of forgiveness, clean slates, and new beginnings.

The funeral service was filled with tears and laughter and I half expected Judy to start laughing with us from her open casket. Looking around the room at all the faces, there was so much love for this dear lady who had so intimately touched each of our lives. Judy's love continually overflowed and burst out of her. Her love was a light that continues to burn and promises to leave a lasting legacy in all who had the pleasure of being touched by her life. L-O-V-E, that's where it's at. In the end, what else matters.

Nirvana and Pandemonium

I woke up with Heaven and Hell on the brain. Which is not as unusual as it sounds because many conversations I have had as of late that have centered around this topic. Plus, I was listening to the Death Cab for Cutie song yesterday that has the lyric "If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied, illuminate the NO's on their vacancy signs, if there's no one beside you when your soul departs, I'll follow you into the dark", which always lingers long after the song has ended.

I woke up with a desire to look these two words up on Thesaurus.com, because I do not own a paper book thesaurus. I like synonyms and I felt like looking at all the synonyms would perhaps give a picture of how folks around the world and of different faiths view these two places/concepts.

Heaven synonyms: Arcadia, Canaan, Elysium, Shangri-la, Utopia, Zion, afterworld, atmosphere, azure, bliss, beyond, dreamland, ecstasy, empyrean, enchantment, eternal home, eternal rest, eternity, fairyland,felicity, firmament, glory, great unknown, happiness, happy hunting ground, harmony, heights, hereafter, immortality, kingdom, kingdom come, life everlasting, life to come, next world, nirvana, paradise, pearly gates, promised land, rapture, sky, the blue, transport, upstairs, wonderland

Hell synonyms: Abaddon, Gehenna, Hades, abyss, affliction, agony, anguish, blazes, bottomless pit, difficulty, everlasting fire, fire and brimstone, grave, hell-fire, infernal regions, inferno, limbo, lower world, misery, nether world, nightmare, ordeal, pandemonium, perdition, pit, place of torment, purgatory, suffering, torment, trial, underworld, wretchedness.

I really like the word nirvana and the idea of a happy hunting ground, a place where we finally find what we have been seeking all along. The words for hell that are most descriptive to me are torment and pandemonium.

I have never been a heaven and hell kind of person. The kind that was particularly concerned about my eternal destination nor anyone else's for that matter. And since I have become a Christian, I haven't really been an eternal destination kinda Christian either. I have been a bringing heaven to earth kinda Christian. But as I have been engaging in conversations about heaven and hell, I have desired to know a bit more about what they might look like so that I could better bring heaven and cast out hell in the lives of those around me. A friend of mine said something like this, "we have the power to unleash heaven or hell on each other." I like these words, unleashing heaven or hell, like there is a dam holding them both back and we are standing in the middle, a finger plugging up holes in each dam. And if we pull our little finger out of one crack or the other, heaven or hell will come bursting through and flood our world. And we are left with the choice of which we choose to release. Honestly, I don't know what heaven or hell looks like. I like the idea of heaven being with God and hell being separation from God. A picture of heaven on earth that I think is lovely is in Matthew 26, when Jesus is separating the sheep from the goats and He says the people are blessed

"for I was hungry and you gave me food; I was thirsty and you gave me drink; I was a stranger and you took me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me....Assuredly I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to the least of these My bretheren, you did it to Me"

I think the closest I get to heaven is a) when I am in the midst of loving community and b) when I worship (whether in song or walk or talk). And the closest I feel to hell is when I treat someone poorly or am treated unkindly. When we love and serve each other as though we were loving and serving Jesus, that is heaven on earth.

I used to teach sunday school at a Unitarian Universalist Church when I was in high school. This story, adapted from a Chinese folk tale, was one I really liked to read to the kids. I think it is pretty. and it rings true.

Long ago there lived an old woman who had a wish. She wished more than anything to see for herself the difference between heaven and hell. The monks in the temple agreed to grant her request. They put a blindfold around her eyes, and said, "First you shall see hell."

When the blindfold was removed, the old woman was standing at the entrance to a great dining hall. The hall was full of round tables, each piled high with the most delicious foods — meats, vegetables, fruits, breads, and desserts of all kinds! The smells that reached her nose were wonderful.

The old woman noticed that, in hell, there were people seated around those round tables. She saw that their bodies were thin, and their faces were gaunt, and creased with frustration. Each person held a spoon. The spoons must have been three feet long! They were so long that the people in hell could reach the food on those platters, but they could not get the food back to their mouths. As the old woman watched, she heard their hungry desperate cries. "I've seen enough," she cried. "Please let me see heaven."

And so again the blindfold was put around her eyes, and the old woman heard, "Now you shall see heaven." When the blindfold was removed, the old woman was confused. For there she stood again, at the entrance to a great dining hall, filled with round tables piled high with the same lavish feast. And again, she saw that there were people sitting just out of arm's reach of the food with those three-foot long spoons.

But as the old woman looked closer, she noticed that the people in heaven were plump and had rosy, happy faces. As she watched, a joyous sound of laughter filled the air.

And soon the old woman was laughing too, for now she understood the difference between heaven and hell for herself. The people in heaven were using those long spoons to feed each other.

The Great Epidemiologist

I love love love Leviticus! Besides being an intriguing book that speaks to my heart about God's love and sacrifice, I think that Leviticus is a truly radical public health service announcement. It's God giving the His people a better way to live as He ensures the survival of the Israelites, His very own beloved chosen people. I love having a picture of community health in 1400BC and most of all, I love how God was giving the Israelites good health and hygiene advice when the basis for that advice was still thousands of years away from being discovered and understood.

Here's a little microbiology/epidemiology history lesson:

Bacteria were discovered in the 17th century and were named "animalcules" (great name, right?) by some dead, white guy whose name I don't remember. They were later called bacteria by some other dead, white guy. Prior to the 19th century AD, disease was largely believed to be caused by spirits and personal character failures. The idea of associating disease and environmental causes emerged in the mid-1800's AD when a doctor in London, John Snow, decided to map out cases of cholera that was plaguing the city, killing hundreds. From his maps, he was able to trace back the source of the cholera to a water pump which all the disease's victims commonly used for their household drinking water. He treated the water with chlorine, replaced the handle on the water pump, and ended the plague. John Snow is super famous amongst public health nerds as he is considered to be the "Father of Epidemiology". Prior to his study, the idea of waterborne illness, particularly bacteria being able to survive in water long term and cause disease, was quite unheard of. If you think about it, it is a pretty abstract radical idea. Tiny, living, invisible particles are transferred between us in the air and they can live in food and water and cause us to be sick! It's weird even though from a 2009 perspective it is common knowledge and seems totally obvious.

But God is The Great Epidemiologist. In 1400BC, He was giving public health advice to the Israelites that makes sense by the standards of modern hygiene and knowledge of microbiology. God was telling them how to protect themselves from hazards that mankind was millenia away from understanding. Of course He knew what was up with bacteria, He created them. Here's a few Leviticus highlights that piqued my interest:

• God tells the Israelites to quarantine lepers. Great idea! Not that I am totally on-board with setting up leper colonies or anything, but keeping sick people away from well people is a great way to stop the spread of disease.
  

"The priest shall examine the sore on the skin of his body; and if the hair on the sore has turned white, and the sore appears to be deeper than the skin of his body, it is a leprous sore. Then the priest shall examine him, and pronounce him unclean" -Leviticus 13:3

• But God didn't treat all disease the same. He had the priests assess the wounds of the sick and then act appropriately. God knew that not all illnesses or sores (nor all bacteria) are created equal. Some are more contagious. Some more lethal.

"But if the bright spot is white on the skin of his body, and does not appear to be deeper than the skin, and its hair has not turned white, then the priestshall isolate the one who has the sore seven days" -Leviticus 13:4

• My mama always said "Don't pick up dead things." And God says, "Don't touch dead rodents and lizards. They're dirty. It's gross"
  

"These are unclean to you among all that creep.
Whoever touches them shall be unclean till evening" -Leviticus 11:31

• And don't drink the water after dead things fall in it...brilliant! absolutely brilliant!

"Any earthen vessel into which any of them (dead creeping things) falls you shall break; and whatever is in it shall be unclean: in such a vessel, any edible food upon which water falls becomes unclean, and any drink that may be drunk from it becomes unclean"
- Leviticus 11:33-34

• Dude, Moses, lay off the pork. It is now known that trichonosis, a parasitic roundworm, is commonly found in pig meat. If pork is not cooked long enough or hot enough, trichonosis can infect those indulging in swine and can kill them within weeks.
  

"and the swine, though it divides the hoof, having cloven hooves,
yet does now chew the cud, is unclean to you" -Leviticus 11:7

• But not all of the weird things that our bodies do are symptoms of disease. Sometimes it's just male-pattern baldness. And God said to man, "No worries bro, you're not sick or dirty, you're just bald."
  

"As for the man whose hair has fallen from his head,
he is bald, but he is clean"

- Leviticus 13:40